Home Study Anxiety

Ok, so we haven't even been scheduled for our first interview, and the emotions and stress of the impending home study are setting in. I've heard most adoptive parents talk about the stress and emotions of the home study, but I thought, "Well, you must be really emotional then, because I'm not very stressed about it at all!"

Well, that has all changed. I have what I hope are normal feelings and concerns...

Are we ready?
Is our house "safe" enough?
Are we good enough Christians to get that approval stamp?
Do we have enough in savings? (Easy answer...no)
What if they think we're financially irresponsible?
What if Brandon's diagnosed depression affects our results?
Are we ready enough for the home visit?
What if we get delayed?
What if they say we need to work on some things first and it takes a lot longer?

...and many other thoughts. Again, I need to be reminded that God doesn't need Bethany's approval to make us parents.

"Lord, Change my Attitude"

I've started this Bible study called "Lord, Change My Attitude," hence the title in case you didn't catch that. :) I must admit that I am completely terrible at reading my Bible...I am the world's worst at being "too busy," or even just not wanting to. Does that make me a bad Christian? I hope not! Anywho, I've been doing it in the evenings when I get home, and I must say, I rather enjoy that time with God. And He knows I need it! The first week talks about complaining...seems like this was the perfect fit for me.

My heart is heavy right now. I know it's probably going to be a couple years down the road before the baby actually comes home, but I am wracking my brain trying to find a way to be able to stay home. My heart's desire is to stay home with my child and take care of the home, not to go through this adoption process, bring the baby home, and then leave them for 10 hours a day while I work, only to have to come home, cook, clean up, feed baby, bathe baby, and put baby to sleep with no quality time with him/her. That thought makes my heart hurt. I am terrified we won't be able to (or that my husband won't be willing to do without his many luxuries, because he has ALWAYS had everything he wanted and is a tad spoiled). However, God has been teaching me such a valuable lesson lately...to let go and let HIM. I shouldn't worry about "what I'll eat or wear" etc. So, I'm making it a point to simply pray that He will open that door, and that He will give me peace about whatever situation we are given. That's not easy to do, by the way.

I have a feeling God has a LOT of lessons in store for me on this journey.

Another weekend has come and gone...

Lately it seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to get anything done! Well, it always seems that way, but especially here lately! The week drags by and the weekend is gone before I even know it got here! We have been insanely busy. Between the adoption, fundraising, paperwork, normal housekeeping, family, and Spring Yardwork, we just haven't stopped!

The weekend was pretty good. I had a really long to-do list, and sadly, I only accomplished a few items on said list. Why you ask? Probably has something to do with spending 7 HOURS at the salon on Saturday. Yes, you read right. 7 (as in seven...between 6 and 8) HOURS! Ridiculous, I know. You would think they gave me all new hair for that amount of time, huh? I went to the Paul Mitchell Cosmetology school in Antioch. It's actually a really nice place. The students do all the work, so that's why it took so long. The guy that did my hair (whose name was Indigo, and he dressed in women's clothing...not that it's relevant, but still interesting) did a really good job but kind of took matters into his own hands and did what he wanted with my hair...which turned out to be a good thing. I love it :) I wouldn't do it again for 7 hours, but I love it nonetheless.

So, I lost my whole Saturday, which was when I was supposed to get things done! Oh well.

We are beginning to prepare for the homestudy, and I am quickly realizing just how much we have to do! Not only does my Type A personality think my house has to be pristine and without a flaw, but we also have to get the crib and childproof the house. I originally thought babyproofing the house would be no biggie...move the chemicals to a high cabinet and install some outlet covers....HA! I got to researching it, and my word! There is SO much to do! Granted, I think some of these babyproofing gadgets are just moneymakers (and silly ones at that)...like bumper pads for the tables. I bumped my head plenty of times as a kid, and I turned out just fine! On second thought...note to self: buy bumper pad.

I am itching to get to the fun stuff already! I am ready to start painting the baby's room soon! We are hoping to at least have that started by the home visit (in roughly 2 months). Ay-ay-ay...so much to do!

Want to help bring our baby home?

We still need your help to finish our homestudy fees! We still have candles for sale! We will only be selling them through April 30, so make sure to get one! They are fantastic! Click here to buy yours! (And yes, they can ship outside the US!)

We also have plenty of teddy bears who need homes! Click our "donate" button to the right to get yours for $8!

A Lesson to Remember

I am NOT a patient person, especially when I have to wait on other people to do something. As is the case in waiting for Brandon's manager to complete the reference letter. I got so upset and angry yesterday because this one piece of paper is prolonging the process for us. Then, I got worried because we got our Psych evaluations back and Brandon's has some not-so-positive things on them. Not necessarily bad, but with his past troubles with family, there are some straggling issues, and I just know that they'll pick us apart on that. I am very anxious to start the interviews so that we can get on the list of waiting families. This morning, I was driving to work, listening to one of my CD's, when the song "You are God Alone" came on. I've heard this song a million times, and I love it, but it took on a whole new meaning this morning.

"You are not a God created

By human hands.

You are not a God dependent on any mortal man.

You are not a God in need of

Anything we can give

By your plan, that's just the way it is."

Lesson of the day: God doesn't need a reference letter. God doesn't need Brandon's manager's help. And, he doesn't need the adoption agency's approval. I am learning so much about faith, and learning that although there are many steps to go through to complete this adoption, God is the ultimate authority, and if this is truly His plan for us, which I believe it is, then it will happen. The hard part for me is accepting that it will happen in HIS timing, and not mine. I like mine better. :)

God, thank you for being You. Thank you for reminding me that you are the ultimate giver of life and creater of families...not an adoption agency. Please help me to keep my eyes fixed on you throughout this process. I love you.

The paperwork is in! And other things...

Well, the paperwork was turned in on Friday! I thought that day would never come! It felt like a giant weight was lifted. I am anxious to get the interview/homestudy process started. At the same time, I am completely stressed and exhausted. Brandon's manager is going out of his way it seems to make things difficult for us. The agency needs a letter from him as a reference, and he refuses to do it. The process cannot move forward without that. I am getting terribly frustrated. It's also frustrating that the agency won't work with us on that...what else am I supposed to do? Please pray that his manager will have a heart for 5 minutes and do this for us. So, right now we are still waiting for all of the paperwork to come together. The agency hasn't yet received our psych evaluation (I'm frustrated with that, too, because we had that done in February!), and they'll be doing 3 more background checks. ALL of the paperwork has to be together, complete, and perfect before we can start the interviews. PLEASE pray that these things come together very quickly so that we can begin! We have worked too hard to have our process delayed because people want to drag their feet. I know, I know...God's timing. If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT good at waiting on other people. Especially when there's no excuse to procrastinate! Get it done, people!

On the upside, I had a fantabulous weekend. Yes, that's a word. I created it I think. Saturday, I went to the Southern women's Show with my best friend, Jennifer. Then we had dinner and went to see The Last Song (if you see that movie, do NOT forget your tissues!). We had a blast! It's been SO long since I had a girls' day out! I haven't laughed like that in forever! Then Sunday, Brandon and I went to the zoo with Jennifer and Abby. That was so fun! Abby is a hoot, and she kept us laughing all day! I am still exhausted from my "crazy" weekend, but it was so worth it. I needed it! I am so blessed to have Jennifer as a friend...she is always there for me. It's been a long time since I had a friend I could truly rely on, even when it's inconvenient for her. :) Love ya girl!

Work has been crazy busy lately. I have been cleaning out one of my supervisor's offices. Her office is ridiculously messy. I'm talking papers and trash from the floor up...no exaggeration. Have you ever seen the show "Hoarders: Buried Alive?" Yeah. That bad.

There's a chair under all that somewhere...

Candles for sale!

I am pretty sure you're all getting sick and tired of my salesmanship (which isn't so great, by the way), but we still have a LONG way to go! We need $3,000 in the next 2-3 months! So...

We are selling these FABULOUS (and I mean fabulous!) candles through The Uncommon Garden in Hermitage! If I see you often, you can place your order through me and I can bring your candles to you. If you live far away or we don't see each other, you can place your order on our website. These candles are hand-poured, and smell great! I love them! If you order on the website, shipping charges do apply, and she will ship them to you within a day or 2 of ordering.

We'll only be doing this for a limited time (The rest of April probably), so get yours now! :) Please and thank you :P

http://www.theuncommongarden.com/BrandonandKelly.htm

Update!

This journey is really teaching me what it means to completely rely on God. Each step seems like a mountain, and one by one, we can see God moving those mountains! We are truly learning to have the "faith the size of a mustard seed." But we still have many more mountains that need to be moved!

First, I want to praise Him for the first mountain! My Grandpa in Missourri heard that we were adopting, and graciously sent us a completely unexpected donation, which helped us exceed our $2,000 goal! We now have enough to turn in our paperwork! Praise God! We plan to turn it in tomorrow! What a way to start the weekend! A huge thank you to everyone who helped us reach that goal!

We've been trying to focus on one thing at a time so we don't get too overwhelmed. First, it was the money just to go to orientation, then it was getting through the training, and then the $2,000 goal which seemed impossible! But we are reminded that all things are possible through Christ! Now, we are beginning to think about our next goal...which is $3,000. An even bigger mountain than the first, but I believe that God will move it as well.

We have also started thinking about the home study process and what to expect from it. We haven't thought too much about it because we wanted to "cross that bridge when we got to it." Well, here we are! I'm starting to stress a little about it; about everything I need to do to prepare for our home visit, but also about the process itself...what are the steps, etc.

The main question we get asked is, "how is the adoption process coming?" The answer: slow. It is a long journey, and it could be up to 3 years before we bring our baby home, so if you're curious about how the process is coming, just check here for updates. We are happy to discuss our journey, but that question becomes exhausting! :) I will be sure to update regularly here. Right now, all I know is that once we turn the paperwork in, we will begin the homestudy process, which consists of a series of interviews and ends with the home visit. This process takes 2-3 months on average. Please pray for us as we begin this step. It is very stressful to have someone invade every aspect of our lives and tell us whether or not we are "qualified" to be parents.

Needless to say, we need your help to reach our next goal! We still have plenty of teddy bears for "adoption." And, we've lowered the price! $5 if we bring it to you or you pick it up, still $8 if we need to ship it (If we ship it for $5, the profit wouldn't be anything).

Get yours today!

We also have a neat "donate" button to your right where you can make donations. No donation is too small! Also, if you need a teddy shipped to you, just make an $8 donation and let me know what color teddy you want.