Monday, September 27, 2010


I found this website through my friend Alison. She has begun losing weight, and it has really inspired me. You've got to check this guy out. He lost 120 lbs in less than a year, and he documented the entire journey. It amazes me that he had the guts to video himself. Why does that amaze me? Because I know how embarrassing it is to know that others notice your obesity. Anyway, this guy is so inspiring! I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to look good. I want to have a second wedding, and be the bride I wish I was the first time around. I want to raise healthy kids, and I want to be there for them when they are grown. I don't want diabetes. Or heart disease. Or high blood pressure. But I'm scared.

How many times have I said "this is it"? And I meant it, too. I've failed time and time again, and I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid of failing. I've felt determination before. I've felt motivation. I've tried everything. Small changes. Drastic changes. Cutting out fat, cutting out sugars, at a time and all at the same time. Weight Watchers, calorie counting, just "being careful." I've tried giving myself a free day. I've done it ALL. It's never worked. What would make this time different? What must I feel to make sure that I stick with it this time?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

How can you have faith in God after he let you down?

I'm not really sure what made me think of this, but as I was drying my hair this morning I started thinking about why I still believe in God after all He has done "to" me.

I've been thinking a LOT lately. I have several friends who are non Christians, and God has really forced me to look in my Christian mirror. I've been asking myself, "are you really helping lead others to Christ? Are you doing what he wants you to? Or are you pushing people away?" That is a hard question to answer. Not because I don't know the answer, but because I do know the answer. I know I will never be perfect, but I also know that I have NOT been the Christian I should be. But, one thing people have asked me is how I can believe in God after he has made me go through infertility. He let me down. "Ask and you shall receive" didn't seem to work. Where was God? I pondered this this morning, and this is the best answer I can give.

1) I didn't become a Christian because of what I might get from it. I became a Christian because I love God, and I want to please Him, and I know what he did FOR me.
2)I KNOW (1000%) that God loves me, and He has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11)
3) Becoming a Christian does not guarantee happiness, and it definitely doesn't guarantee a perfect life. It simply means that when I go through the hard times, I have a much stronger hand holding me up.
4) I know that God uses bad situations for good. How, you ask? I'm not sure how he will use me yet, but I know that He will. The best way to help someone is to go through what they are going through. Maybe he'll use me to help someone who is struggling with infertility. Maybe he'll use me to minister to adoptees, or adoptive families, or simply to reflect the adoption that we have in him.
5) I know that God has a plan for me to be a mom. He might plan for us to have biological children later, he may not. Maybe I will be a mom through adoption. And, I don't know when I'll become a mom, or how. But I will. Just because I had a different idea of motherhood than He does, doesn't mean he left me.
6) God loves me. He took the time to create me. He knows everything about me. How can I not love that? I love God, not because he blesses me, but just because of who HE is.

I don't have it all figured out, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves me, and you. Even when it doesn't always feel like it.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Mila's Daydreams

You have got to check out this blog! I think this is the cutest thing I have ever seen! These pictures of her baby girl are so incredibly creative, and she makes them out of blankets and other things she finds around the house. I love it!