- Focus intently on MAKING time for God. I am the world's worst at making time for prayer and Bible reading. Yesterday I bought the 1 year Bible and the 1 year Bible devotional.
- Get a little healthier. I must do this to achieve my next goal:
- Get pregnant/bring home a baby (even if it doesn't have my blood!)
- Use my Cricut Expression to send all of my friends and family a birthday card...BEFORE their birthday.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
While out walking, we ran into Buddy the Elf!
Then we went up on the space needle. It was frigid, but the view was amazing!
We spent many an hour in the Christmas Place!
Of course, we had to have a caramel apple while we were there. Sadly we ate them too fast to get a picture.
Now for some light pictures (I apologize for my sucky camera. In the words of Buddy the Elf, it's "real sucky." But in a different context.)
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
On the way out, we stopped at this arcade so I could kick Brandon's butt at air hockey again.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
We spent all day Saturday bundled up and walking the streets, doing some Christmas shopping. We wanted to go snow tubing, but we decided that going to the tip top of a mountain in 22 degree weather, and then sliding down said mountain at a very fast rate just might instantaneously turn us into an ice sculpture. So we didn't. But we still had plenty of fun galavanting around the city! After an afternoon nap in the hotel room (and a HOT bath to get feeling back in our legs!), we drove into Pigeon Forge where we spent an incredible amount of time mosying (is that a word? It is now.) through the INCREDIBLE Christmas Place, where we spent too much money on ornaments for our family members. If you haven't been there, you MUST go! Now! It is amazing! Crowded, but amazing. Afterward, we hit the streets again, this time dressed in my oh-so-sexy thermal underwear, and looked at all the Winterfest lights. It was a fabulous time! I promise to put pictures up later!
Monday, December 14, 2009
And a special thanks to Katie for referring me!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I am trying so hard to figure out how I can miss someone so much that is not even born yet! I miss you so much. This time of year is very hard for Mommy. We are still waiting for you, and some days it seems as if the time will never come. I wish you were here with us this Christmas. Well, here in body form. You're already born in our hearts. Daddy and I talk all the time about what we think you will be like. We feel like we know you already. We talk about whether you'll be more like me or him. Whether you'll like music or art. What kind of baby you'll be; a fussy baby or a relaxed, calm baby. I cannot wait to find out. This Christmas is very hard. I want more than anything to hold you in my arms this Christmas; to watch your reaction to all the Christmas lights; to have your Christmas photos taken. Maybe next year.
Mommy and Daddy love you very much!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
In other news, I take my final exam this weekend for my history class, and I can't WAIT! I can't wait for it to be over, that is. I can honestly say that I care no more about history than I did in the 5th grade. Sad, but true. I hate it.
I absolutely can't WAIT for this weekend! It's going to be a busy one, but so fun! Saturday we're driving to Pegram for my best friend Jennifer's little girl Abby's 3rd birthday party. Then on Sunday, we are going with Jennifer, Abby, and Buddy to see the Rockettes! I am stoked! This will be my first time seeing the show :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I am thankful for the generous gift of new mattresses the in-laws gave us, even though the pillow top all shifted to one side of the bed and is lumpy and doesn't sleep well (reason for getting rid of them in the first place). The thought was nice.
I am thankful that my bestestest friend Jennifer and her baby girl Abby were able to come hang with me today! We had a blast making and decorating gingerbread cookies, and watching Abby play tag with the kitties.
I am thankful for the opportunity to teach Sunday School! Although I don't think I'll be doing it much longer due to some other, more pressing, responsibilities, I love it. 3 year olds teach me so much! (Have I already used this one? If so, I am double-thankful!)
I am thankful that this is a short work week!!
I am thankful that we bought a new mattress (a very expensive one at that) last night to replace our lumpy one....
I am SO looking forward to this weekend. It is going to be a much needed retreat for me. It just stinks that Brandon has to work. We aren't traveling, but Nana (Brandon's Grandmother) is coming down Thursday and cooking at his mom's house, and my mom is cooking Friday. Can we say TWO Thanksgiving meals??? Not to mention, we will probably leave both dinners with leftovers! And All I have to cook is one sweet potato casserole for each dinner (that is always the dish I am requested to bring...that's the one thing I make that everyone loves). Brandon is off Friday, so we will probably do some shopping. Saturday and Sunday are MINE! I am doing NOTHING. Well, not nothing. I have plenty to occupy me. I MUST finish making my homemade Christmas cards and get them ready to go out. I also must send out my invitations for Christmas dinner. I know, ridiculous, right? I am getting a little carried away with planning Christmas dinner :-)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I've been thinking about you a lot today. I guess it's because the holidays are right around the corner. This is a bittersweet time of year for me this year. I can't help but ache and wish that you were here to share this time with us. You will one day learn that Mommy LOVES Christmas. It's her favorite time of year. I hope you will enjoy Christmases at our house. As I was putting up the stockings this year, I couldn't help but think of how I was only putting up 2, and not 3. I wonder what you would think of the tree, with all it's twinkling lights. Would you be mezmerized by all the colors? I wonder if you will like all the Christmas movies as much as I do. Every time I go into a store I see some cool toy and I think to myself, "I wish I had a child to buy that for." I can only imagine your face on Christmas morning when you wake up and discover all the toys under the tree. I wonder what your favorite part of Christmas dinner will be. Oh, how I wish I had you to rock to sleep this Christmas season. I cannot wait until the day I can have our family Christmas picture taken, and it is actually complete. It seems as though something in our house is missing. I still do not understand how I can miss someone so much that I have never even met. Mommy and Daddy are waiting not-so-patiently for you, and I hope that next Christmas you will be here with us. I love you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
First, I am thankful for such a wonderful, amazing mommy. I am my mom made over, and it becomes more and more obvious as I get older. We are both incredibly sensitive and cry very easily (did you say my hair was messy? Excuse me. I need a tissue.) We both worry like nobody's business. If we have something on our minds, we lose sleep. We are also both incredibly shy. It's ridiculous. But, my mom is there for me through thick and thin. I can't STAND the thought of hurting her feelings or disappointing her, but she always makes sure to tell me how proud she is of me.
Second, I am thankful for my sister. We have never been real close. We are TOTAL opposites! She is almost 6 years older than I am, and we have never had a lot in common. However, the older we get, the more we find we have in common. We bicker like sisters do, but we love each other. The fact that my mom's sister is dying right now has made me realize just how special my sister is. She's the only sibling I have. And I would never ever want to regret our relationship.
What are you thankful for?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
When I get sick, I cease to function. Luckily, I get sick time at work. I hate calling in, but when I am sick, I am NOT the "push through it" type. I am the laid-up-in-bed-doped-up-on-meds kind of person. Brandon, on the other hand, goes to work no matter what. He has called in twice since I have KNOWN him! Once was because he had strep. Don't remember what the other time was for, but I am sure he was really sick. That man never calls in. He was up at 3:30am today with a sore throat. If it were me, I'd have been calling in as soon as my boss came in (I definitely don't function with no sleep...what will I do when I have a baby?). But nope, not Brandon. He went on in. It seems silly, but I really admire that about him. It says a lot about his character...determined and committed.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
1) That Katie, our kitten, came through her declaw surgery just fine, and the vet reports that she is "resting comfortably," whatever that means. Either way, I am thankful she is ok.
2) I am thankful for the beautiful weather today! (I try to stay away from the generic "thanks" like "family," "friends," and "sunshine" but I had to give God credit for the gorgeous Fall colors!)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
This one is for my Sunday School teaching buddies. I thought this was a cute idea, and the kids loved it!
This month's theme in Sunday School is prayer. So, I took an empty container and covered it with construction paper. Then I wrote on large craft sticks different things to pray for (Mommy, Daddy, My safety, sick people, etc). During class, each child got a chance to pick a stick. Then they got to pray for whatever their stick said. Of course, I had to guide them in what to say, but they got the idea. They had fun praying, which is a beautiful thing to see.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
This was such a wonderful idea, and I definitely need to focus on all the blessings in my life right now, so here goes. I'll post something I am thankful for every day until Thanksgiving! (Thanks, Katie!)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Brandon can be a very lazy person. (Good way to start out a positive blog, right? I promise I'm getting to it). And by lazy, I mean if you looked up lazy in the dictionary, you'd see his picture. (Ok, so that phrase is way overused, but it's true! And apparently my sidenotes in paretheses are overused as well.) Anyway, when Brandon wants to lay on the couch, there is pretty much nothing you can do to change his mind. On Wednesday, we had our church's annual Fall Fest (Halloween alternative). I had signed up to go, but Brandon did not. He had worked the previous 10 days in a row without a break, and decided he wanted to rest. As it turns out, I used a sick day that day since I wasn't feeling that well, so we were both home all day. I was feeling better by that afternoon, so I decided to go on and stick to my commitment. I asked Brandon if he wanted to go, and
Now, on to the plan for the weekend:
Today, I desperately have to study for my history test, which I have neglected to study for. 4 chapters of info in 1 day...good one, Kell. Say a prayer for me!
Then tomorrow, I am heading to the Elkins house bright and early to babysit their 5
Tomorrow night we'll be passing out candy to all the neighborhood ghouls and goblins, of course.
Sunday I get to go teach my Sunday School class, which I absolutely love. We're talking about Prayer during the month of November, so it should be really fun to see them learning to pray.
That pretty much sums up my weekend. Now, off to study...yay.
Monday, October 26, 2009
My chosen blogs are:
1. Katie at My Life as A Wallace
2. Heather at Mehaffey Moments
3. Julie at Peanut Butter and Julie (for some reason this link isn't working right. Google her!)
5. Shelley at The Vits Family Blog
Congrats, guys! And thanks again, Sarah!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A few weeks ago, Brandon and I made the trek out to Honeysuckle Hill Farms. We got 2 tickets to the farm PLUS admission to their haunted woods, Scream Creek, for $19...half price! I would never have paid $19/person for it, but we had a lot of fun. Brandon tried to wimp out on me, but I made him go through it :) Sissy.
While I'm Waiting!
Where did I get that title? Well, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while (let's face it, there are only 3 or 4 people who actually read it), it's obvious. I'm waiting on God's little blessing wrapped in a onesie and a poopie diaper. Strange way of putting it, I know.
I didn't like my last title at ALL. This one just seemed to fit better with where I am, since my blog is a combination of my life, cooking, crafts, and everything in between. I don't have a "designated topic" for my blog. It is just a blog about what I'm doing, thinking, and feeling "While I'm Waiting." So, I hope you enjoy. I hope to have a whole new look coming soon!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
We got much better news than I thought! Don't get too excited...I'm not pregnant. However, she did a vaginal ultrasound (no fun) and officially diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is basically where because I am insulin resistant (I have low blood sugar, not diabetes), my testosterone level is too high. I make eggs just fine, but the testosterone level prohibits them from ever releasing from the ovaries (therefore, I don't ovulate). This makes little sacs of eggs on my ovaries. This is why I've never had a period without the help of the pill. It also explains a lot more than that.
- 86% of women with PCOS are obese because of the hormone imbalance. It is virtually impossible to lose weight on your own when you have this condition. This is what has caused my weight to skyrocket, and why it has been so hard to lose it. NOTHING has worked, even when I am as disciplined as one can be. That makes me feel better...I have something else to blame :)
- It is more than likely what my mom had (she had the same problems as me).
- It explains why I ALWAYS feel hungry, even an hour after a big meal. It's always been kind of a joke with me and Brandon because we'll eat, and an hour or so later I'll say "you're not going to believe this." He follows with, "you're hungry?" The insulin basically makes my brain think it's hungry.
- Obviously, it explains my inability to get pregnant.
While PCOS is not curable, it is very common AND TREATABLE! This doesn't necessarily mean I WILL get pregnant, but my chances are much better than I thought! She has started me on Metformin, which is a diabetic med to level out my insulin levels and testosterone. So far, I have had some nasty side effects, but nothing unbearable, and they should subside. However, I am already noticing a huge change in my appetite. I'm hardly ever hungry. I ate two eggs yesterday morning, and didn't have another meal until last night, and I had to make myself eat that so I could take my meds. This morning, I have spent the last 10 minutes trying to get down a yogurt. I'm just not hungry. This is appealing to me, but at the same time, I have got to make myself eat. She also said that Weight Watchers probably isn't the best diet for me because we tend to focus on how many points a food is, not how much protein is in it vs. carbs. She said that the key for me right now is to exercise for 30 mins a day, and to eat a LOT of protein, and cut back on my carbs/sugars. I am also supposed to eat 6 times a day. Doesn't have to be 6 meals, but 3 meals and 3 protein-based snacks will do. So, I'm quitting WW for a while to see what happens with the meds, some walking, and a high protein, low carb diet. That sounds so much more manageable, anyway.
So, I'll take the metformin for a month, and then I'll start the fertitlity drugs again. I am hoping and praying they work this time! My goal is to try and lose 15lbs by the time I start the fertility meds. That's 5% of my weight, which they say can drastically increase my chances. (do not do the math....you don't want to know)I feel like there is hope! :) God is good. Maybe in a few months I'll be writing the "I'M PREGNANT" blog!
Monday, September 28, 2009
- Brandon and I will never agree on the proper way to load the dishwasher, and that's ok. (He insists that pots, pans, and mixing bowls should be machine-washed.)
- I will always need to be careful while walking through the house in the dark, for fear of breaking my neck on stray shoes. (Pssst. Honey, there is a special place in the closet for said shoes!)
- No matter how hard I try, Brandon's favorite meal will always be flavorless grilled chicken and green beans.
- Regardless of what I do, Brandon will never stop loving wrestling OR Alice Cooper. Guess it's time to accept it.
- We still do not share the same taste in music, movies, or television (except for Grey's Anatomy!), and that's ok, too.
- Brandon has seen the absolute worst sides of me...right down to the nitty gritty, and at this point I am pretty much convinced that I could look like a big ugly blob and he would still tell me I am beautiful :)
- I will never successfully teach Brandon how to be on time, but I will live.
- most of all, I have learned that no matter what I say or do, Brandon will always love me.
Happy Anniversary, Honey! I love you 3 times more than I did on our wedding day!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I decided to make most of my Christmas gifts this year, but I wanted to make something people could use. (And something that I could do at my "elementary" crafting skill level.) I saw this idea, and thought it was adorable. They turned out so well, I ended up keeping a set for myself!
I got the ceramic tiles at Lowe's (Home Depot would work too). I found them for .25/each. I did have to spend $10 on a large rubber stamp, but I can use it over and over again. Technically, you're supposed to use a stamp pad, but at $10 for a big one, I opted to use acrylic paint. I just painted it on the stamp, then stamped it...obviously. Then I baked them in the oven on 350 for about 10-15 minutes to set the paint. Once cooled and dry, I sprayed with clear coat (about $2 at Lowe's). I also hot glued some felt squares on the bottom corners so it won't scratch any surfaces. So for about $2-$3 I have a useful, cute Christmas gift. I plan on getting some 6x6 tiles and making a trivet to go along with the coaster set.
My Sunday School room is very drab...back in the 70's they had the genius idea to paint the walls grey and coral. They still haven't changed it. So, I have been working on ideas to get some better looking things on the walls. I LOVE Bulletin boards, but I didn't have one, so I made this pretend bulletin board by just putting paper on the wall and putting border from the Dollar Tree around it. I am quite proud :)
Quick update, in bullet form:
- We are getting settled into the house quite nicely, and are looking forward to our housewarming party on Oct. 10th! Well, it's just an open house, but still :)
- I am super duper excited about our half price tickets to Honeysuckle Hill Pumpkin patch that I found on 963jackfm.com. Can't wait to go!
- I started taking a TN History class this semester. It is very boring. BUT, once it's over, I'll be one step closer to that black gown!
- I also started teaching a 3 year old Sunday School class at TRBC. I pretty much love it.
- I have been doing many neat crafts. Well, I've been coming up with ideas anyway. I have only exercised one of them...more to come.
- We have an appointment on the 9th with an infertility specialist. I'm terrified.
- I'm working REALLY hard on getting my weight down. I have screwed up a lot this weekend, but that's ok...no beating myself up! I am jumping right back on!
Monday, September 14, 2009
I've never been mad at God. Seriously...never. You probably don't believe me, but I haven't. Until now. Lately I have just felt very upset, angry, and almost (*gasp*) betrayed by Him. Why? Because it seems like everyone around me is pregnant except for me. Even those who never even wanted kids. Every time I hear of another child being abused or mistreated, it makes me angry. Every time I see parents speaking to their children with terrible words, or even letting them get away with something when they should be disciplined, it makes me downright mad. I think, "Now, God, why can't I have a kid? At least I would raise them not to talk like that!" or "At least I would never talk to them that way!" (Nevermind the fact that I am not yet a parent so I cannot assume that I would be a "perfect parent" or have "perfect kids." That's another blog for another day.)
Anyway, why do I feel so angry with God, and is it ok? After a lot of praying, I have come to this conclusion:
it is TOTALLY ok! God gave me emotions...Jesus himself was angry sometimes! And I believe that it IS ok to "question" God's intentions, as long as you realize that His are better than yours. God is a big boy, and I believe he can handle it. Actually, when I think of how I blew up at him the other day, I just wonder if he wasn't standing there with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face, as to say "it's about time you tell me how you really feel." I mean, afterall, he already knows how I feel...so why not be completely honest with him?
After spending a few days angry at him, I started to be reminded that he is grieving with me. And that he is in total control, even if I don't like how he's running the show right now. Then, I started to feel peace. The hurt hasn't gotten any better. I still think about it all day long, and I still cry almost daily, but nevertheless, I felt God wrap His arms around me and say, "I love you. It's ok. I'm here, and I've got it all under control."
So, go ahead. Let it out.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I got some very sad news today. The Dr. told me that the only way for me to get pregnant is to have some procedures done that Daddy and I cannot afford. This breaks my heart, because it means our journey to you is prolonged. I know that God is faithful, though. No matter what the doctors say, HE has the final say-so! He already has you picked out especially for us! But I long to see you...to hold you...to hear you giggle (and even cry!). Just in case you don't look like us, know that it's ok. It doesn't matter that your skin may or may not be the same color as ours, or that you may have brown eyes instead of blue, or that you may be really tall instead of short like your Daddy and me. We will still be a family. And we will still love you just as much. We still long to meet you, even if you don't spend the first nine months of your life in my tummy. Hold on a little longer, little one. We're waiting for you.
Until next time, we love you.
Mommy and Daddy
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
It's Mommy. Daddy and I have been going through many tests lately for you. We long for you, but God hasn't given you to us yet, but I know He will soon. One day we will get to meet you and see your precious face. Until then, we are trying very hard and trusting in the Lord to bring you into our lives. We already love you more than you can imagine. I can't imagine how much I'll love you when I actually meet you! We just moved into a wonderful new home. We pray that we will be able to bring you home to see it soon. I hope you'll like the room we have set aside for you. It is beautiful, and will be even more beautiful once we can paint it and decorate it just for you. I can't wait to pick out names one day. We also have two little kitties at home that want to play with you. I hope you like them. I often imagine myself rocking you to sleep in your room while looking at the full-length huge crescent window. I think about the day that we'll bring you home from the hospital and see the "It's a Boy!" or "It's a Girl!" sign in the yard. I cannot wait for that day. I dream about watching your Daddy play with you and take naps with you on the couch. I wonder what you'll look like...will you have my curly hair? Your Daddy's smile? I can't wait to see you and hear you laugh for the first time. I hope and pray God brings you to us soon. I cannot figure out how I can miss someone so much that I have never even met. But I do. We love you. Hold on just a little longer...God is faithful.
Mom and Dad
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Anyway, I have been listening to Kari Jobe lately (if you've never heard her, you should check her out.) She for some reason has really had an impact on me. Listening to her and watching her makes me want to dig deeper. She's the type that when you watch her, you go "I want what she has." I have never been good at studying the Word. I HATE reading, and honestly it feels pointless because most of the time I don't understand what I'm reading. I stink at the history and geography, much less the people! I am desperate for a bible study group where I can really dig in to the Word, but it seems I have no options. I don't know where to start. But, for tonight, I will start with some serious talking with God and asking for forgiveness for putting him on the back burner.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
1) I love when he makes random silly faces and makes me laugh.
2) I love how when I get home from work, he RUNS to the door and wraps his arms around me like he hasn't seen me in a really long time.
3) I love how he is willing to cook dinner for me.
4) I love how he is really helpful around the house....if it weren't for him, we would never have clean clothes, because I HATE doing laundry.
5) I love when he scratches my back, even if I have to beg him to :-)
6) I love our nightly ritual (slow down, folks, I wouldn't go there on here!) of fighting over his pillow because it's softer than mine. I steal it every night, and it ends up in a big pillow fight and a lot of laughing.
7) His adorably mischevious smirk/grin.
8) I love when he sings.
9) I love it when he acts goofy...he cracks me up!
10) I love when he tries to dance. It's cute.
11) I love when he tells me I am beautiful, even if I don't believe him.
12) I love watching him with the kids at church. Considering he HATED kids when we met, it is quite a transformation :)
13) I love how he always wants to fix everyone and help them with their problems.
14) I love it when we're in the car and he reaches over to hold my hand for no reason.
15) I love tackling him to the ground and tickling him. He HATES being tickled. So, it's funny.
16) I like how he always makes up parodies to every song he hears, even if it gets a little annoying at times.
17) I love when he calls me Pookie. It's an inside joke, but it stuck and it makes me laugh.
18) I love his determintation.
19) I love that he loves ice cream, just like me :-)
20) I love that he likes romantic comedies and chick flicks.
21) I love that he is sensitive and he is ok with it.
22) I love that he sends me random text messages that are stinkin hilarious.
23) I love that he never hesitates to say he's sorry after an argument. (even if it was my fault!)
24) I love that he let me have another kitten, even though he didn't want her, and now he's in love with her.
25) I love how we constantly argue over music in the car. It's annoying, but funny at the same time, and life would be boring without it.
26) I love how he is always there for me when I need him.
27) Last, but not least, I LOVE that he married ME! :-)
I love you, honey, and I know that if you weren't with me, my life would be boring and lonely. Happy Birthday!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Today I had a Morningstar veggie burger. Sounds gross, but it was actually really good! One box has 4 burgers, which is all but one day for the week. I put mine on wheat bread instead of a bun, and put a slice of cheese on it. It reminded me of a Krystal. Paired with some baked Sun Chips and a bottle of Special K Protein Water, it was quite satisfying. No turkey involved!
Brandon has issues with feeling like a failure constantly, so I figured I would take the time to brag on his most recent success! In the eyes of society, we are successful we reach certain milestones....when we graduate college....get a good paying suit-and-tie job....when we are able to drive expensive cars....the list goes on and on. To me, we are successful when we set a goal and reach it...no matter how big or small. My husband has never been a big goal-setter or go-getter...and it is frustrating! Well, after being married for 2 years and my husband being in the same position, making pretty much BARELY enough for us to get by, he finally began to try for a promotion. Every time there has been an opening at another store, he has interviewed. The first few didn't go too well because he wasn't very experienced with interviews or "professionalism." After that, he got better and better at it. It took over a year of interviews, but he stuck with it, and a month or so ago, he got a promotion! Yes, he works at Kroger, which according to society's standards is lousy, but in my eyes, he is now the Assistant Manager, and he worked hard for it! I am so proud of him for working so hard and sticking with it...he's good at giving up because all he ever heard growing up was "you can't do it." Well baby, I told you could do it and you did! I am so proud of you! Thank you for stepping up to do what it takes to take care of us :-)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Do you know anyone on this Earth, including yourself, who would give so much to someone who had completely abandoned them? I sure wouldn't do that! For example, my heart has been hurting lately because of a certain friend. She and I were BEST friends...practically inseperable for years...until I got married. Then she got married. Now, our relationship is pretty much non-existant. And that hurts me. I have tried and tried and tried to get her to make time for me...to have lunch or coffee, or just to call and say hello! But, to no avail. If I don't call her or write her, she doesn't put forth any effort. She acts as though she could care less whether we are friends anymore or not, and that hurts. There's no other way to put it. I miss her. I miss our friendship. And I think it's ridiculous that just because we are married, we can't have that friendship anymore. But I think that gives me just a teeny tiny taste of how God feels when he tries to spend time with us, and we blow him off. I get so angry with this friend. I get very upset. To the point where I've decided to let her go, which I do believe is the right thing to do, but it still hurts. But, who am I to get so angry with her when I do the same exact thing to my Savior??
I've also noticed my increasingly bad attitude at work. My job gets to me sometimes. I am surrounded by women twice my age, and all they know how to do is talk about everyone else and start drama. There are a few people in particular that NO ONE likes. They are devious, manipulative, lying, hateful, and rude. And I have developed a bad attitude with them (if you know me at all, you will know that I am VERY mild tempered, soft spoken, quiet, and I am very good at holding my tongue...but I can only hold it so long). I posted the video to this song in a previous blog, and ever since I heard this song, it has spoken volumes to me. Who am I? Where do I get the idea that I am such a good Christian that I can treat people like that, even when they deserve it? Don't get me wrong, sometimes things need to be said, but there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. I've been going about it all wrong. Not only have I been saying hateful things about them, but I haven't been saying it to their faces (well, sometimes I do)! I have caught myself running back to my coworkers' cube talking about them! I am the office gossip! I HATE gossip! I think I have just held my tongue for so long, that now I just feel the need to vent, and of course I go to my coworker to vent. There's nothing wrong with venting, but I shouldn't be doing it at work. That's what Brandon's for! :P
So, through all of this, I have been forced to ask myself, "What do I know of Holy?"
Friday, June 12, 2009
I am exhausted. And by exhausted, I mean, worn out, sore, cranky and irritable, mean, sick to my stomach, have no energy left exhausted. And we haven't even moved yet. It's been a month straight of non-stop errands, pricing things, picking paint, meeting with the realtor, preparing the loan, etc etc etc. UGH! I'm beat! And I can't turn my brain off! When I do sit and try to relax, my mind just keeps going a hundred miles an hour, reminding me of all the things I have to do! I can barely even eat I'm so tired...I feel sick when I eat anything.
I think it's time for a vaca.
:( Anyway, I stole this from her too. She posted it, and it brought tears to my eyes. Not to mention, I LOVE Addison Road. So take a sec to watch, and pay attention to the lyrics.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I'm not much of a yogurt fan, but these Yoplait Light yogurts are YUMMY. With only 100 calories, 0 fat, and 5g protein, these tasty treats clock in at only 2 WW points, and with flavors like Apple Turnover, Strawberry Shortcake, and White Chocolate Strawberry, they make the perfect afternoon dessert...and filling, too!
Image from www.yoplait.com
Friday, May 15, 2009
I have to exercise for at least 20 minutes and count my points tediously 6 days a week. I have to be very anal about everything that goes in my mouth. Every drink, every piece of hard candy or gum. Yep, gum counts. That stinks. BUT:
I get one cheat day a week. He said he always tells people to give yourself 1 day a week where you can have whatever you want, and it cannot undo the hard work you've done all week, like we all think it can. Apparently, it's the consistent calories we eat that make us gain weight. But, having an overload of calories once a week will come right back out, and not absorb. Obviously that day needs to be at least 4 days before my weigh in day, or I'll see five extra pounds on the scale, but 4.5 of those are in the colon. I can handle that.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thurs: "Baked" shrimp, baked potatoes, and a veggie of some sort.
Fri: I'm on my own since Brandon is going to the Men's Conference.
Sat:Chicken quesadillas on whole wheat tortillas and low fat monterey jack cheese with homemade salsa (courtesy of my friend Katie)
Sun: Chicken and rice (low fat version, of course, and brown rice)
Mon: Ramen noodle bowls
Tues: leftover chicken and rice
Monday, May 11, 2009
I want one of these dolls. Why? Because, if you have seen these commercials, they are so very true. This little guy, Hungry as I call him, follows me...everywhere. I constantly think I'm hungry, when I know I shouldn't be. Especially if I eat a smaller than normal meal, some part of my brain tells me I'm not done....I need more! But I know I don't. I'm working on that...on paying attention to my hunger signals.
I'm also working on some other behavior modifications. These are a few of them:
-Very little to no carbonated, caffeinated, and sweetened drinks. In fact, I haven't had a sweet tea in like 4 days, which is huge for me. At restaurants, I am ordering water and I keep Crystal light packets in my purse and mix them in (sugar free, of course).
-I am extremely limiting my breads/white flours. No sandwiches every day. No bread at all with dinner. Few potatoes. No pasta. If I do have any of these, I make sure it's whole wheat.
-limiting my sweets. This is the hardest part. It is literally an every day struggle, because EVERY DAY I get a sweet tooth after I eat. And one cookie just doesn't cut it. I've been having sugar free popscicles instead, but they only go so far :-/
-I am trying tirelessly to drink water. Yuck.
-I try to eat a lot of veggies before I get to the meat. I make sure I get my protein, but I am trying not to over do it on the meat.
So, aside from exercising and trying to make overall better choices, that is my main focus. Simple (or, not-so-simple) behavior modification.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Also, tonight is Brandon's last night on 3rd shift!! He has all weekend off, and then he starts at a new store Monday!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I LOVE bread and pasta, which we all know are bad choices. Now I know why. I have finally realized that after eating it, I may feel super full, but an hour or two later, I'm back in the kitchen!
I am not only an emotional eater, but I eat when I am bored, too. Bad odds.
Protein really does make you feel fuller.I find by eating foods high in protein, I can consume much less food before I'm hungry.
I do really well through the week, but it's on the weekends that I blow it...every weekend...all weekend. Then by Monday, I figure there's no point.
Case in point: I am so determined and motivated right now, yet, this weekend I have already found myself running to Kroger for ice cream (I did, however, opt for light ice cream with half the fat and sugar). But wait, I also HAD (and I mean HAD) to have chocolate syrup to go on it. Then today, a lazy Sunday, we ordered Pasta from Pizza Hut. We ate around 4pm. By 5pm I had a bowl of ice cream in my hand. I've been hungry ever since. I started to make some chocolate milk (an obsession for me...I love it and it fills me up!), I stopped, put the milk away, went and took a shower, and then fixed a bottle of protein water. Why do I fall prey to these things, even when I plan ahead? I didn't go over my points surprisingly, but still! It is so hard...even to pass up a glass of chocolate milk made me feel deprived.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
"You may as well give up all the food you enjoy because a guy I know had it and is miserable!"
"There are so many risks...you could DIE!"
"Your life will never be 'normal' again"
and, the best one of all....
"surgery is the easy way out. Just diet and exercise."
I wanted to shed some light on the issue for those who aren't so sensitive to the overweight population.
- You do NOT have to give up the foods you love! You just eat a lot less of them!
- You're right...there are risks. But if I don't get the weight off, I'm going to die anyways. The risks of being obese are much worse than the risks of the procedure itself.
-My life will be normal...it just won't be the same. And that's a GOOD thing!
-Park here for a moment. Anyone who calls weight loss surgery the easy way out obviously knows nothing about it, and has never read about it at all. Talk to someone who has had it. Google it. You will find out VERY quickly that it is nowhere near easy! 2 weeks of a pre-op liquid diet (that's PRE op...while I'm still hungry!), then months of baby steps from clear liquid diet to full liquid diet, then chicken in a blender (aka pureed foods) followed by soft foods, and finally to "normal" foods. Not to mention the pain and sickness of the surgery itself. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. So, if you think it's easy, look it up. I'd say the fact that i am acknowledging my problem and that I am prepared to do something so drastic says I'm a pretty strong person, because no weakling could handle it.
People are cruel and mean, and there are many people out there who have always been a size 6 (or, if their life has been really tough, they may have had to work to lose a whole whopping 20 pounds before...and they seem to think it's just as easy to lose 150lbs). For those people, please don't judge. Many things cause weight gain...not just food. And it's not as easy for some as it is for others. If you have never struggled with obesity (let me clarify....being more than 100 pounds overweight...) before, then you have NO idea what it's like. So, please have some patience.
Going bike riding
Going to an amusement park and riding whatever I want without being afraid of being humiliated because I can't fit in the seat
Buying clothes in a normal store...not a specialty store
Sleeping better at night without my arms and legs falling asleep
No more hypoglycemia!
No more headaches and migraines hopefully
Wearing a bikini (or at least a 2 piece) for the first time in my life
Really cute jeans
Not having to buy shoes in "wide"
Going into a department store and shopping in the first section instead of having to go all the way to the back where the "women's" clothes are hidden
No more 3 year olds asking if there is a baby in my belly and why it's so big.
Not feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb in public, but that I blend in
My first "little red dress" ever
Fitting in the restaurant booths comfortably!
Hopefully having regular cycles and being able to get pregnant
Being one of the cute women at the gym in a sports bra and bike shorts
Friday, May 1, 2009
The more I think about the surgery, the more I feel the need to make absolutely sure that I have done my very best, and done everything I could to lose weight on my own before making such a drastic, life-altering decision. If this doesn't work, then it's off to the OR I go.
I realize that I am in for a LONG journey...much longer than with the surgery. I realize that it will be harder than with the surgery in some ways. I realize that this will be an emotional, hard, journey, and that I will need all of the love, support, and encouragement I can get. So, here we go. I'm doing the plan online this time. Everything I need is right at my fingertips. Wish me luck!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Yesterday, we went to the Nashville Zoo with our friends, Kim and Doug. They brought their 19 month old little girl with them. It was Avery's first time at the zoo! We had a lot of fun, but boy was it HOT! The high hit 87 degrees! We all enjoyed our time together, and had fun watching Avery watch the animals, but we were sure tired when we left. Thanks for coming, guys!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I've done really well with my eating, too. I've been VERY good. I have stocked my desk drawer with yummy, low fat snacks, like animal crackers, graham crackers, peanut butter, and Fig Newtons (I LOVE fig newtons...they're like a guiltless cookie and so yummy!). That has helped keep my hunger AND my sweet tooth under control. :-)
Monday, April 20, 2009
Recipes, cooking tips, and healthy meal ideas
Regular updates on my progress, including my goals and new techniques as I learn them.
Weight loss tips
Information on good cooking/weight loss websites
Miscellaneous weight loss info.
Please, feel free to advertise my blog on your own site, or tell your blogger (or non-blogger) pals about it! Comments, tips, and of course encouragement are always welcome!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I have listed small, short-term goals, a date to reach them by, and we each got to pick what reward we want for each goal reached.
5 lbs by 5/4- we will have NO dessert until we lose at least 5 lbs, at which time we will have fat free ice cream or something at home (don't worry...I won't reward a 5lb loss with a huge piece of pie!)
10 lbs lost by 5/18 - we will not eat out at ALL until this point. We need time to adjust to new eating habits, and hopefully by that point we will have the motivation to keep going.
20 lbs by 6/15 - Mani/pedi for me! Also, the first to lose 20lbs gets to pick a movie to see, and the loser HAS to go see it, and the loser also has to cook dinner AND clean up...all without complaining :-)
30 lbs by 7/31 - new outfit to feel great in! I'm thinking the 1st to 30 lbs gets to go to the spa for a massage or something :P
65 lbs (1/2 way to goal) by 10/31 - Highlights in my hair and new outfit!
In the bathroom, I have a chart, and once a week we will both weigh in together and chart our weight.
I haven't gone any further yet. But I am actually excited about this. Brandon and I are both really competitive with one another, so knowing that he's doing it with me is nice. Tips and advice, as well as any recipes and meal ideas are very welcome.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
This is Ethan Bibb. He is 8 years old, and the son of Robin and Farris Bibb. Two weeks ago (roughly), he went to the Dr. with a stomach virus that he couldn't get rid of for a few weeks. He was having headaches and kept throwing up. His mom insisted he go to Vanderbilt. Once at Vandy, they did a scan of his head. They found a brain tumor. They removed the tumor and did a biopsy and found that it is cancer, and it has already moved to his little spine. They are going to start the most aggressive treatment available soon, but first they must put a cast around his head (not sure what kind it is, but from my understanding it is to protect certain parts of the brain from the radiation and only affect the diseased parts. Correct me if I am wrong.) They are not able to do this because Ethan has had a swollen and painful tummy for a while, and he has to lay on his belly for 45 minutes to have it done. They found out today that it is a mass in his little belly. They are not sure what it is. Ethan is in a lot of pain, and he is on a constant morphine pump to help his pain. They need to do a scope on his tummy, but Ethan isn't strong enough. His parents are very exhausted, and getting frustrated, simply wanting some answers. I can only imagine what they are feeling right now. Ethan has an 11 year old sister, Lanna. Please pray continuously for this baby boy and his family. Pray for peace and understanding for the family, and strength, energy, and courage, to get through this. Pray that Satan will have no hold on this little boy's life, but that God's will be done in him. Pray for healing and courage for Ethan. Pray that he will get well enough to start treatment very soon. Most of all, pray that the family will not lose sight of the wonderful and mighty God we serve, and that they will continue to trust him through all of this. Pray for God to heal this little boy, if he so chooses. And, if not, that God will wrap his arms around this young family and draw them to himself in their greatest time of need.
I will continue to update as I get them.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Click on the link above to view a video about the storms.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Most young offenders serving life without parole were exposed to poverty, violence or drugs during childhood, the Equal Justice Initiative reported.
Some victims' families say that's exactly why the juveniles should stay locked up.
Salerno, of Crime Victims United of California, said that some juveniles can be rehabilitated but that some committed crimes so severe, resources shouldn't be wasted on them.
Seriously? Resources shouldn't be WASTED? That's what you call it? So, let's get this straight. A child is brought into the world, into bad circumstances such as poverty, abuse, gangs, drugs, and violence...that they had no control over because a child can't choose their home situation, so they need to be punished when they start leading the only life they know? When all a child sees growing up is hate, greed, selfishness, and lack of respect for the human life, that is what they are going to migrate to. It's natural for them. For many of these teens, a gang is the only sense of family they have ever had. So instead of "wasting resources" to help put them in a better situation and rehabilitate them, giving them a shot at life, we would rather spend millions of dollars to keep them locked up for life, taking away any hope for a future?? Is this really the way Christ would want us to treat our children?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
First off, WE'RE BUYING A HOUSE!!!!!! That is, if everything goes smoothly and as planned. We even get a 4% grant (that's free money, folks!) to use as the down payment! So, if we find a seller to pay closing costs, then we should pay nothing out of pocket. That's right, nothing. :-) I am so ecstatic, I can barely contain myself! We are meeting our realtor today, and I couldn't be more excited! And we go next weekend for a first time homebuyer's education class, which sounds boring, but I am very much looking forward to it!
We went to Sparta yesterday to visit with Brandon's Nana and Pop. I love those people. They are so sweet. I get bored to tears in Sparta because there is literally NOTHING to do. But, I still adore them :-) And we always end up leaving with a bunch of stuff. Nana gave me an entire box filled with cake decorating stuff...LOTS of tips! I am so excited about that, that I am making a cake today! :)
I know I haven't kept up with the blog, but I am still doing the Love Dare. I love it so far. It really keeps me on my toes, and keeps me thinking every time I say or do something. I think to myself "I could have said that differently" or "I should have just let that go. It wasn't THAT big of a deal." I still mess up, of course, but I always apologize and make up (that's the best part!)
Well, that's all for the moment. I've got a ton of cleaning and laundry to do. Brandon will be sleeping for quite a while, seeing as he only had 6 hours of sleep in over 48 hours, so I am taking advantage and going to scrub scrub scrub!
Friday, March 27, 2009
We always tend to think of love as a feeling. But, I am learning very quickly that love is so much more than a feeling. It is not a noun. It is a verb; an action. Patience is a reaction to a negative situation, and kindness is an action, or the creation of a positive situation. While I do have the feelings of love for my husband, I fall short of the "showing love" department. It is so much easier to pass the things I hate the most off to him, like laundry, cleaning the litter box, dishes...and I very rarely do things to surprise him. Yet, I expect those things from him. Lately, I have found myself missing the days when we were dating. I found some old emails from one another, and our feelings were so strong for one another. We said all the right things, and did all kinds of random things for one another. But, after 3 years together, we have gotten comfortable, and those things have kind of dissipated.
So, for today's dare, I'm going to do the one thing I hate most: laundry. From start to finish. All by myself. When I do laundry, we usually end up dressing out of the basket or dryer all week. So, I'm gonna work on that.
The point of loving someone actively is not for a pat on the back, or something in return, but to love them with no expectations in return. That is the hardest part. I find myself telling Brandon, "I cooked, so you clean up," or things like that. I tend to think that because I did one thing, I should expect him to do another. While I do believe household jobs should be shared (and Brandon is good about that), I need to learn to take the initiative and do it regardless. Because I love him :-)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Day 1 is all about patience. How ironic, huh? The thing that probably 99% of us struggle with the most is the very first thing addressed. I know that this is definitely an area that I need to work on. I was a very patient person all my life....until I got married. Funny how things change after you get married. The things I am most impatient about are:
-I HATE waiting for people. I know when I need to get up, and what time I need to leave, and it angers me to no end when Brandon is running late, or if he stops getting ready to play a game or watch tv, resulting in us leaving late...and me waiting on him. To me, it is very simple. Get up. Get ready. Leave. And I have very little patience for that. I need to realize that Brandon is not as "punctual" as I am (I tend to be super early to everything), and that it's ok! There's no need to me to get in a bad mood over that. I will work on that.
-I get impatient about Brandon leaving trash all over the house. I come home to chip bags, coke cans, and food wrappers on the coffee table and counters, and it drives me NUTS. And, he almost never puts his cheese wrapper in the trash! He is not a dirty person by any means...it just takes him a while to clean his messes up.
-I get aggravated because Brandon seems to never want to do anything fun. He led a very boring childhood, and his idea of fun is playing the Xbox...all day every day. I hate it.
So, I know three things right off the top of my head that I need to watch out for. I am sure after I harp at him every ten minutes about leaving on time it makes him feel like a child. And I am sure when I sit there and beg him to stop playing his games, it doesn't exactly make him want to go do what I want to do.
Isn't it funny how, even as adults, when we don't get what we want, we throw a fit???