Sunday, February 13, 2011

A Much Needed Update!

I think this might be the longest I've gone without blogging! Honestly, I just haven't had much to blog about lately. But I'm going to try to do better!

Truth is, I've kinda gone into a depression lately. I'm not usually the depressed type so I'm not really sure how to handle it. We've been struggling financially for the last 3 months (mainly thanks to NES for their 2 months of $300 electric bills), so we've literally been stuck in the house doing nothing but watching TV and playing board games. Then there's this ridiculous weather, which keeps us locked up even more. Then there's this heartbreaking wait for a baby.

I'm struggling with a few things as far as the wait goes. One thing is how certain family members really don't seem to support our adoption. It seems like they could care less. They never ask about it or mention it, and if we mention ANYTHING related to it, they change the subject. The other day, Brandon was telling someone that we were trying to pick out our crib and that we were getting ready to start on the nursery. The response he got was, "Oh, that's nice. "

I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. My mom and dad support us completely, and I think that's because they struggled with infertility for 18 years, so they know exactly what we are going through. No one else understands.

Which brings me to my next struggle. I feel like absolutely NO ONE understands how I feel or what this is like. I've got some great friends who are really supportive, and they try, but this is one of those things you can't possibly understand unless you have been there. And it's a very, very lonely feeling. Most of the time, I feel like there is no one I can talk to about this. There's no one who understands WHY we want to buy baby things or paint the nursery. And it gets old trying to explain it over and over again.

So, I guess I'm just having a little pity party. Which isn't like me. So, I'm clinging to God as hard as I know how right now, depending on Him to get me through it. I'm headed to church this morning (I haven't been on a Sunday in FOREVER because Brandon always has to work and I hate going alone), hoping for an encouraging word. Prayers are appreciated!

1 comment:

Mandy's Kidding said...

I've battled with depression myself and it is a struggle. I hear Winston Churchill called it "the Black Dog" which I find rather fitting.

I bet there are blogs dedicated to people who are adopting. It might be nice for you to find a community (even a blog community!) of people who are sharing the same struggles, the same joys.