We're On The Web!

We've been in the process of having our profile listed on the Bethany website as a waiting family. We've been on the waiting list since September, but that just means that our physical profile book was available in Bethany's office for viewing. Being listed on the website means it can be viewed nationwide. We are hoping that this will help more birthmoms see our profile, thus shortening our wait time. As a Bethany policy, being listed on the website also means that we must be willing to travel out of state to receive our baby, since parents in other states can see our profile. Therefore, we could be receiving a referral from anywhere in the country! This is exciting, but stressful at the same time. Adoption laws are different in each state, and if we get a referral from another state, it's a possibility that we will need to travel to that state for up to 2 weeks before bringing the baby home (FYI: You can't leave the state with a child until the court says they are yours!). And, any out of state travel expenses are not included in our adoption fees. BOOO. But, we will do whatever is necessary to bring our little one home, and we trust that God WILL provide when that time comes!!

Check out our online profile here!

My Best Friend's Wedding

My best friend got married on Sunday! I am so excited for her!

It was a CRAZY busy weekend. Jennifer and her baby girl, Abby, stayed the night with me the night before the wedding. That was a blast! We were up bright and early Sunday morning to get ready for the big day! I even did her hair for her, and I must say, I am quite impressed with myself considering I have NEVER done anyone else's hair before. Ever.







Michael and Jennifer, I love you so very much! Jenn, you have been the best friend I have had in a long time, and I am so thankful for you! Michael, I am so glad Jennifer found you. I can see how happy she is. You better take care of her! :-) I'm always here for you guys if you need anything! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

When You're Angry at God

Why do we really get angry with God? And is it ok? I know I've touched on it before, but this is such a heavy subject, and one which I know plenty about. I think we all do. I have struggled with anger toward God for quite some time, and I still do from time to time. As excited as I am about our adoption, and as anxious as I am to meet our little one, I still have moments where I can't help but feel angry toward God. I still grieve the loss that comes with infertility. And sometimes I feel guilty for it, as if being sad about infertility means I'm ungrateful for the little one coming our way. And that isn't the case at all. I can honestly say that I look forward to having a birthmom in our life, and teaching our child what love truly means. But, that doesn't take away the sting of knowing that I can't carry my child; of knowing I'll never feel him or her kick or move. And, sometimes, I still feel angry. Especially when I hear that someone else I know is pregnant. It may be someone who is unwed or didn't want kids. It may be someone who I think doesn't deserve a child for various reasons. It may be someone who got pregnant as soon as they tried. And, it may be someone who has struggled with infertility and finally got pregnant. That last one is the hardest for me, because you'd think that I would be happy for them, seeing as I know how hard it is, but I'm not...I want to know why it worked for them, but not me! Anyway, my point here is that it is ok, and quite normal to be angry with God. Even Jeremiah was mad at God! (Jeremiah 20). And let's not forget Job! The tricky part is how we handle that anger. I fully believe in talking to God about our feelings....be honest. He knows, anyway, so what's the big deal? But, while you're letting God know how angry you are, try to keep in mind that He is still God. He is still on the throne. Don't curse him. Forgive Him, and move on as best you can. Trust me, I know how hard that is. But my anger toward God is finally starting to draw me closer to Him, because if He still loves me after I've been so angry with Him, then I truly know that there is nothing I can do to make Him stop loving me. Check out this post about Jeremiah.

Project Nursery has Commenced!

This weekend, we finally started painting the nursery!! This is such an exciting project for me! I have been dreaming for YEARS about how I would decorate my baby's nursery. I always knew I wanted something unique...definitely not a solid color. When we started the adoption process, I went back and forth debating on what to do. Decorate the nursery a neutral color? Not decorate at all and wait until the baby comes home? When should I start? We finally decided to go ahead and start decorating it while we were waiting for several reasons. For one thing, it is theraputic for me...I need something to keep me busy, and it helps me know that there will be a baby in there....eventually. And mainly because once the baby comes home, the last thing we want to do is spend our time decorating. We want to soak up every second holding and loving our little one as possible.

We chose to do a light green color, and we will be adding a chair rail and doing stripes on the bottom half of the walls with the light green and a slightly darker green. Hopefully it turns out to look the way it looks in my head!

This is the first coat, minus some cutting in at the top. The lighting makes it look more lime green than it is, but the next picture looks more like the actual color.

Brandon hard at work :) I am loving the color!

I'll share more pics as we make progress!

SINUCLEANSE!

Thank you, God for SINUCLEANSE!

Bittersweet Moments

Yesterday, I was working in the nursery at church. I was placed in the overflow room, and I ended up with only 1 baby, a 10-month-old little boy. I had to work both the Sunday School hour and the Worship hour, so I got to give him plenty of attention, which he loved. During the second hour, he got fussy, so I turned on some lullaby music and started rocking him. He was out cold in no time. He slept on my shoulder for a solid hour, with one arm around my neck, and the other holding tightly onto my shirt. It was the sweetest time, and I couldn't help but thank God for giving me that precious time. But, at the same time, it was sad. Bittersweet. I couldn't help but think how I have to give this child back to his parents, and how I can't wait to be able to do that with my child. I will try to remember that at 3am when I'm trying to get my kid to sleep. :) I used to teach Sunday School and Wednesday nights, but I quit doing both right before we decided to adopt. It simply got too difficult working with kids all the time. I found myself resenting the parents and distancing myself from the kids, which was even harder because I love working with kids so much. At that time, I was in a place where we were realizing that the fertility treatments weren't working, and that we really may not be able to conceive. It was a really hard reality for us, and even harder to say out loud. We were at rock bottom and didn't know what we were going to do. I couldn't bear the thought of going through life childless, and Brandon wasn't interested in adoption at that point. I got to the point where every week when I left my class at church, I would cry all the way home. I wanted to be that parent that came to pick my child up. I wanted to be the one that they squealed and ran for. I wanted to be the one the cried for. So, I quit. Then last August, God started pulling me back into service. He gave me my time to grieve. My sweet friend Shannon called me and asked if I would help her on Wednesday nights. I couldn't say no! I've been teaching with her since August, and I love it. Last week, I got a call from our childcare coordinator asking if I could help out each week for a few months until she found some regulars to help out. I felt like God was calling me to do this, so I said yes. Now, I'm not sure if I'll continue doing it after those 2 months are up or not....we'll just see how it goes. Hopefully it won't be emotionally too much. But, I feel like God has given me some time to deal with our loss and come to terms with things, and now he's telling me it's time to stand up and get back in the swing of things. We still grieve and we still hurt. I still get sad sometimes that I won't be carrying my child myself, and the waiting is incredibly hard, but I know this is where God wants me. I feel like he is giving me this opportunity to serve without a long-term commitment. It may sound odd, but I'm really thankful. I'm so glad that God gave us that time to grieve. It has made me realize that God really does know that we hurt, and that he empathizes with us. It makes me realize that He really has been there all along, even though it hasn't felt like it.

A Rant on YouTube Bullying

This is kind of a random rant on the ridiculous bullying that takes place on YouTube, as well as other internet sites. It astounds me how crude people are.

Have you heard of Rebecca Black?

Her YouTube music video, "Friday," went viral last month with over a million views. And it isn't because the song is good. I'll be honest. It's terrible. Really, really terrible. BUT, she is a 13-year-old girl! You can see the video here. In a recent interview on Good Morning America, Rebecca was asked what comments were the worst. One commentor told her "she should cut herself," and another viewer told her she should "get an eating disorder so she would be pretty."

Seriously?? Why, oh, WHY would you say that to someone? And of all people, a 13-year-old girl? Teens have enough pressure on them already without comments like that.

Then there's the YouTuber, Nichole337. (Yes, I have a small obsession with Youtube...don't judge me). You can see Nichole's channel here.

I won't even try to choose one of her comments as an example, but just scroll through 1 page of comments, and you will see plenty of perfect examples of pure hatred.

Bullying has become such a huge issue. When I was a kid, bullying meant someone threatened to beat you up after school...but none of us ever actually went. I got called plenty of names as a kid. But I don't think I ever heard someone threaten someone's life or tell them they are worthless. When did we as human beings begin thinking that we are better than anyone?

The big question here is, what should be done about it? Should people really continue to be allowed to post such horrid things? Where is that line between freedom of speech and hate?