Monday, September 14, 2009

Is it ok to be mad at God?

As Christians, we are raised to NEVER EVER question God, and definitely to never be angry with him...He's God! But, how do you think God feels when we are angry with him, and is it a sin?

I've never been mad at God. Seriously...never. You probably don't believe me, but I haven't. Until now. Lately I have just felt very upset, angry, and almost (*gasp*) betrayed by Him. Why? Because it seems like everyone around me is pregnant except for me. Even those who never even wanted kids. Every time I hear of another child being abused or mistreated, it makes me angry. Every time I see parents speaking to their children with terrible words, or even letting them get away with something when they should be disciplined, it makes me downright mad. I think, "Now, God, why can't I have a kid? At least I would raise them not to talk like that!" or "At least I would never talk to them that way!" (Nevermind the fact that I am not yet a parent so I cannot assume that I would be a "perfect parent" or have "perfect kids." That's another blog for another day.)

Anyway, why do I feel so angry with God, and is it ok? After a lot of praying, I have come to this conclusion:

it is TOTALLY ok! God gave me emotions...Jesus himself was angry sometimes! And I believe that it IS ok to "question" God's intentions, as long as you realize that His are better than yours. God is a big boy, and I believe he can handle it. Actually, when I think of how I blew up at him the other day, I just wonder if he wasn't standing there with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face, as to say "it's about time you tell me how you really feel." I mean, afterall, he already knows how I feel...so why not be completely honest with him?

After spending a few days angry at him, I started to be reminded that he is grieving with me. And that he is in total control, even if I don't like how he's running the show right now. Then, I started to feel peace. The hurt hasn't gotten any better. I still think about it all day long, and I still cry almost daily, but nevertheless, I felt God wrap His arms around me and say, "I love you. It's ok. I'm here, and I've got it all under control."

So, go ahead. Let it out.

2 comments:

Katie said...

Kelly, I am so sorry for your hurts.

Here is my opinion on how you're feeling (if I may...) - God created you with emotions AND He is big enough to handle those emotions.

You are a strong woman.

Jennifer said...

I know how you feel... When my grandmother pasted away I was so angry and mad at God for years and when I say years I mean years like 5 or 6. I even actually recall telling him I hated him... But I was young and once I realized it didn't matter if I was mad at him or not it wasn't going to bring my grandmother back and I asked for his forgiveness and felt like a huge boulder had been lifted off my shoulders and since have had a really good relationship with God.

Though I have been angry with him again. I wondered how in the world could he have let me married an abusive man and to think that I wasn't sure if I was going to live to see tomorrow or ever see my family again. Even though I was so angry with him I prayed every chance I could. And today I still thank him everyday for helping me out of that relationship and for giving my life back.

I know it's hard to think that you may not be able to have your own children right now. I too have thought about all those people out there not wanting children having children and my best friend can't. I know that one day you will be blessed with a beautiful child rather or not it is your own. They do have all kinds of procedures and miracle workers out there. And if all hope fails there is adoption.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am thinking about you.