As Christians, we are raised to NEVER EVER question God, and definitely to never be angry with him...He's God! But, how do you think God feels when we are angry with him, and is it a sin?
I've never been mad at God. Seriously...never. You probably don't believe me, but I haven't. Until now. Lately I have just felt very upset, angry, and almost (*gasp*) betrayed by Him. Why? Because it seems like everyone around me is pregnant except for me. Even those who never even wanted kids. Every time I hear of another child being abused or mistreated, it makes me angry. Every time I see parents speaking to their children with terrible words, or even letting them get away with something when they should be disciplined, it makes me downright mad. I think, "Now, God, why can't I have a kid? At least I would raise them not to talk like that!" or "At least I would never talk to them that way!" (Nevermind the fact that I am not yet a parent so I cannot assume that I would be a "perfect parent" or have "perfect kids." That's another blog for another day.)
Anyway, why do I feel so angry with God, and is it ok? After a lot of praying, I have come to this conclusion:
it is TOTALLY ok! God gave me emotions...Jesus himself was angry sometimes! And I believe that it IS ok to "question" God's intentions, as long as you realize that His are better than yours. God is a big boy, and I believe he can handle it. Actually, when I think of how I blew up at him the other day, I just wonder if he wasn't standing there with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face, as to say "it's about time you tell me how you really feel." I mean, afterall, he already knows how I feel...so why not be completely honest with him?
After spending a few days angry at him, I started to be reminded that he is grieving with me. And that he is in total control, even if I don't like how he's running the show right now. Then, I started to feel peace. The hurt hasn't gotten any better. I still think about it all day long, and I still cry almost daily, but nevertheless, I felt God wrap His arms around me and say, "I love you. It's ok. I'm here, and I've got it all under control."
So, go ahead. Let it out.