This is my idea of an American Idol

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/0803/joart/?action=view&current=KrisAllen-GodofThisCity.flv

Anxious

We found a house! I can't believe we found a place the first time we looked, but we are absolutely in love with it!!! We are putting an offer down today, and I hope and pray he accepts!! I am so anxious I can't contain myself! I wish I had a picture to share, but it isn't even listed on the market yet. Say a prayer for us :-)

2 points worth of Heaven

I'm not much of a yogurt fan, but these Yoplait Light yogurts are YUMMY. With only 100 calories, 0 fat, and 5g protein, these tasty treats clock in at only 2 WW points, and with flavors like Apple Turnover, Strawberry Shortcake, and White Chocolate Strawberry, they make the perfect afternoon dessert...and filling, too!


Image from www.yoplait.com

Dr. says

Well I went to the Dr. yesterday. I got so frustrated because I'm going on 3 weeks of Weight Watchers, and haven't lost a thing! So, Doc says I have some sort of "metabolic dysfunction." He thinks it's insulin resistance. Not necessarily Diabetes, though. I've been hypoglycemic for years, and he said that could be the the cause of that, and the cause of my inability to get pregnant. So, he did some blood work, and when it comes back he's going to give me some medicine to help balance out my metabolism. That will hopefully help jumpstart the weight loss. It's good to know it's not something I'm doing wrong, though. So, here's the plan he has put me on:

I have to exercise for at least 20 minutes and count my points tediously 6 days a week. I have to be very anal about everything that goes in my mouth. Every drink, every piece of hard candy or gum. Yep, gum counts. That stinks. BUT:

I get one cheat day a week. He said he always tells people to give yourself 1 day a week where you can have whatever you want, and it cannot undo the hard work you've done all week, like we all think it can. Apparently, it's the consistent calories we eat that make us gain weight. But, having an overload of calories once a week will come right back out, and not absorb. Obviously that day needs to be at least 4 days before my weigh in day, or I'll see five extra pounds on the scale, but 4.5 of those are in the colon. I can handle that.

Weekly Menu

I really need to get back in the swing of planning my meals ahead of time, so here is my weekly menu for next week. (It starts on Thurs. because that's the day Brandon gets paid, so it is also the day I do my grocery shopping).

Thurs: "Baked" shrimp, baked potatoes, and a veggie of some sort.
Fri: I'm on my own since Brandon is going to the Men's Conference.
Sat:Chicken quesadillas on whole wheat tortillas and low fat monterey jack cheese with homemade salsa (courtesy of my friend Katie)
Sun: Chicken and rice (low fat version, of course, and brown rice)
Mon: Ramen noodle bowls
Tues: leftover chicken and rice

Hello, Hungry.

I want one of these dolls. Why? Because, if you have seen these commercials, they are so very true. This little guy, Hungry as I call him, follows me...everywhere. I constantly think I'm hungry, when I know I shouldn't be. Especially if I eat a smaller than normal meal, some part of my brain tells me I'm not done....I need more! But I know I don't. I'm working on that...on paying attention to my hunger signals.

I'm also working on some other behavior modifications. These are a few of them:

-Very little to no carbonated, caffeinated, and sweetened drinks. In fact, I haven't had a sweet tea in like 4 days, which is huge for me. At restaurants, I am ordering water and I keep Crystal light packets in my purse and mix them in (sugar free, of course).

-I am extremely limiting my breads/white flours. No sandwiches every day. No bread at all with dinner. Few potatoes. No pasta. If I do have any of these, I make sure it's whole wheat.

-limiting my sweets. This is the hardest part. It is literally an every day struggle, because EVERY DAY I get a sweet tooth after I eat. And one cookie just doesn't cut it. I've been having sugar free popscicles instead, but they only go so far :-/

-I am trying tirelessly to drink water. Yuck.

-I try to eat a lot of veggies before I get to the meat. I make sure I get my protein, but I am trying not to over do it on the meat.

So, aside from exercising and trying to make overall better choices, that is my main focus. Simple (or, not-so-simple) behavior modification.

Step One

Tonight I am going to Baptist for a seminar on the surgery. I am excited, but at the same time I am super nervous and scared to death. I don't even think I'll be able to eat dinner. Why am I nervous about a simple informational seminar? I guess because it's the first step, and probably the one that will decide yay or nay on the surgery. Luckily, Brandon is driving in to go with me. He's meeting me for dinner when I get off work. How I'm going to eat, I don't know. But I am so blessed to have a husband who is so supportive. He's not fully on board with me having the surgery yet, but he wants me to be happy. He hasn't had but probably 10 hours of sleep in the last 3-4 days, so I am so thankful that he is making it a priority to be there for me.

Also, tonight is Brandon's last night on 3rd shift!! He has all weekend off, and then he starts at a new store Monday!!!

Wow...I never knew that

I've been really paying attention to myself the last few days, trying to figure out why I keep failing. Here are some things I have learned:

I LOVE bread and pasta, which we all know are bad choices. Now I know why. I have finally realized that after eating it, I may feel super full, but an hour or two later, I'm back in the kitchen!

I am not only an emotional eater, but I eat when I am bored, too. Bad odds.

Protein really does make you feel fuller.I find by eating foods high in protein, I can consume much less food before I'm hungry.

I do really well through the week, but it's on the weekends that I blow it...every weekend...all weekend. Then by Monday, I figure there's no point.

Case in point: I am so determined and motivated right now, yet, this weekend I have already found myself running to Kroger for ice cream (I did, however, opt for light ice cream with half the fat and sugar). But wait, I also HAD (and I mean HAD) to have chocolate syrup to go on it. Then today, a lazy Sunday, we ordered Pasta from Pizza Hut. We ate around 4pm. By 5pm I had a bowl of ice cream in my hand. I've been hungry ever since. I started to make some chocolate milk (an obsession for me...I love it and it fills me up!), I stopped, put the milk away, went and took a shower, and then fixed a bottle of protein water. Why do I fall prey to these things, even when I plan ahead? I didn't go over my points surprisingly, but still! It is so hard...even to pass up a glass of chocolate milk made me feel deprived.

Product Review...Special K Protein Water Mix Ins

These things are pretty much awesome. Very good for a mid morning snack. You get your water, it tastes good, and it curbs your hunger, too. That's my kind of water.

A word to the wise

Since I have started thinking about and researching weight loss surgery (specifically Lapband), I have encountered some different reactions from people. I have been super sensitive to the way people view weight loss and obese people. Aside from the majority of people in my life, here are some negative things I have heard:

"You may as well give up all the food you enjoy because a guy I know had it and is miserable!"
"There are so many risks...you could DIE!"
"Your life will never be 'normal' again"
and, the best one of all....
"surgery is the easy way out. Just diet and exercise."

I wanted to shed some light on the issue for those who aren't so sensitive to the overweight population.

- You do NOT have to give up the foods you love! You just eat a lot less of them!
- You're right...there are risks. But if I don't get the weight off, I'm going to die anyways. The risks of being obese are much worse than the risks of the procedure itself.
-My life will be normal...it just won't be the same. And that's a GOOD thing!
-Park here for a moment. Anyone who calls weight loss surgery the easy way out obviously knows nothing about it, and has never read about it at all. Talk to someone who has had it. Google it. You will find out VERY quickly that it is nowhere near easy! 2 weeks of a pre-op liquid diet (that's PRE op...while I'm still hungry!), then months of baby steps from clear liquid diet to full liquid diet, then chicken in a blender (aka pureed foods) followed by soft foods, and finally to "normal" foods. Not to mention the pain and sickness of the surgery itself. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. So, if you think it's easy, look it up. I'd say the fact that i am acknowledging my problem and that I am prepared to do something so drastic says I'm a pretty strong person, because no weakling could handle it.

People are cruel and mean, and there are many people out there who have always been a size 6 (or, if their life has been really tough, they may have had to work to lose a whole whopping 20 pounds before...and they seem to think it's just as easy to lose 150lbs). For those people, please don't judge. Many things cause weight gain...not just food. And it's not as easy for some as it is for others. If you have never struggled with obesity (let me clarify....being more than 100 pounds overweight...) before, then you have NO idea what it's like. So, please have some patience.

Things to look forward to

These are just some of the things I look forward to once I lose this weight. I have it posted around the house to remind myself why I am doing this.

Crossing my legs
Going bike riding
Going to an amusement park and riding whatever I want without being afraid of being humiliated because I can't fit in the seat
Buying clothes in a normal store...not a specialty store
Sleeping better at night without my arms and legs falling asleep
No more hypoglycemia!
No more headaches and migraines hopefully
Wearing a bikini (or at least a 2 piece) for the first time in my life
Really cute jeans
Not having to buy shoes in "wide"
Going into a department store and shopping in the first section instead of having to go all the way to the back where the "women's" clothes are hidden
No more 3 year olds asking if there is a baby in my belly and why it's so big.
Not feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb in public, but that I blend in
My first "little red dress" ever
High heels
Fitting in the restaurant booths comfortably!
Hopefully having regular cycles and being able to get pregnant
Being one of the cute women at the gym in a sports bra and bike shorts

I did it....again

Yep, I joined Weight Watchers. Again. I think this is time number 5,367, if I'm correct. At least it seems that way.

The more I think about the surgery, the more I feel the need to make absolutely sure that I have done my very best, and done everything I could to lose weight on my own before making such a drastic, life-altering decision. If this doesn't work, then it's off to the OR I go.

I realize that I am in for a LONG journey...much longer than with the surgery. I realize that it will be harder than with the surgery in some ways. I realize that this will be an emotional, hard, journey, and that I will need all of the love, support, and encouragement I can get. So, here we go. I'm doing the plan online this time. Everything I need is right at my fingertips. Wish me luck!