Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"Lord, Change my Attitude"

I've started this Bible study called "Lord, Change My Attitude," hence the title in case you didn't catch that. :) I must admit that I am completely terrible at reading my Bible...I am the world's worst at being "too busy," or even just not wanting to. Does that make me a bad Christian? I hope not! Anywho, I've been doing it in the evenings when I get home, and I must say, I rather enjoy that time with God. And He knows I need it! The first week talks about complaining...seems like this was the perfect fit for me.

My heart is heavy right now. I know it's probably going to be a couple years down the road before the baby actually comes home, but I am wracking my brain trying to find a way to be able to stay home. My heart's desire is to stay home with my child and take care of the home, not to go through this adoption process, bring the baby home, and then leave them for 10 hours a day while I work, only to have to come home, cook, clean up, feed baby, bathe baby, and put baby to sleep with no quality time with him/her. That thought makes my heart hurt. I am terrified we won't be able to (or that my husband won't be willing to do without his many luxuries, because he has ALWAYS had everything he wanted and is a tad spoiled). However, God has been teaching me such a valuable lesson lately...to let go and let HIM. I shouldn't worry about "what I'll eat or wear" etc. So, I'm making it a point to simply pray that He will open that door, and that He will give me peace about whatever situation we are given. That's not easy to do, by the way.

I have a feeling God has a LOT of lessons in store for me on this journey.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Kelly, You are a wonderful person and Christian. You are a much better Christain then most people I know, which makes you an even better Christain. Which I have to admit I learn a lot from you when it comes to giving myself to God. Ok, with that said... You and Brandon will do what's best for your child. And if staying home with baby Swindell is ment to be it will be. I want more then anything for you to be able to stay at least the first year home with him or her. When it comes to your hubby... I can see that baby being #1 over all luxuries... including that new car he wants. (Sorry Brandon) =) I want so much for you guys and know that one day you will have it. I have faith! Love ya girl! Jennifer