When Sock Monkeys Make You Smile

It's funny how things happen sometimes. I was so incredibly down yesterday. I was having second thoughts and even doubting certain things, like whether or not my husband truly wants to adopt. Sometimes I forget that he's a man, and he isn't going to show his excitement the same way I do. I am so anxious to register, and I can't stay away from the baby dept of any store. But it seems like he could care less.

But then every once in a while he melts my heart. I was working today when I get a random picture message. It was a picture of a ginormous (yes, I made that word up) green sock monkey. Totally cute. Brandon said he wanted to buy it for the baby. Maybe it's just my emotions, but I almost teared up. I realized that while he may not be into baby clothes or nursery decor, that doesn't mean he isn't excited. And just because he doesn't talk about the baby 24/7 like I do doesn't mean he doesn't think about the baby.

It was a simple thing, but it made me smile. :)

One step forward...ten steps back

That's how it seems, anyway. I feel like a basketcase! And I'm sure my husband wouldn't disagree! I am just up and down almost daily. I feel bipolar or something. It seems like one day I feel really hopeful and optimistic and have a lot to look forward to, but those days are always followed by a "down day." On my down days, I feel hopeless...like what we're doing is pointless because we'll NEVER get our baby home! I am NOT a patient person...I hate waiting! I know...patience is a virtue. Well, I don't have it. Today the reality of the possibility of waiting 3+ years for our baby hit me, and it has hit me hard. My heart hurts just thinking about going through this for 3 years or more! I want my baby home! We've been discussing the options of expanding our openness to other races. We got nowhere. Most people who read this will think terribly of us and call us racist, but that's ok. Because anyone who truly knows us knows that isn't the case. So, don't jump to conclusions and say "they don't want a black baby or a foreign baby." It's not that we don't want that child. Brandon isn't ready to discuss that yet, and that's ok. If it were up to me, I'd be fine with it, but he cares a lot what others think, particularly his family, and we have some family members that would NOT be on board with that, and to him that's just too much to deal with. He doesn't want the adoption to tear the family apart. I can understand that. He's also still grieving the fact that this child won't be ours biologically. That is normal. I still get sad when I think about not being pregnant, so I understand that, too. So, we'll continue on this path until God leads us elsewhere. I believe that if God wants us to go interracial, he'll lay it on both of our hearts.

So, today I need your prayers. Prayers for peace, encouragement, and patience. I never pray for patience, but I need peace to be patient. My heart is aching and longing for my baby. I need prayers for the courage and strength to give it to God and let HIM control when our baby comes home. That's a hard thing for me to do...I don't like not knowing.

I guess since today is a "down day" I can look forward to an "up day" tomorrow.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

How about this weather, huh? It's absolutely gorgeous! I had a pretty fabulous day. The only thing that would have made it more fabulous was if hubby didn't have to work all day. Boo! What did I do, you ask? (ok, you probably didn't ask because you probably don't care, but I'm going to tell you anyway!)

• Woke up at 7am...that's late for me. Yay for sleeping in!
• Laid in bed til 7:30...bliss
• Got up and laid on the couch watching my DVR'd episodes of Oprah and 19 Kids and counting until 10.
• Sorted through yard sale stuff in the garage
• Moved yard sale stuff from the front bedroom to the garage
• Priced yard sale stuff
• Planted flowers in my newly dug flower bed.
• Did some cleaning
• Spent pretty much all day outside
• Played with the neighbor's doggies...they came to visit me!
• Met the neighbor's little boy...cutie!
• Cleaned up the front bedroom (future nursery!)
  
• Took Brandon to dinner at Red Robin when he got off since he doesn't feel good
• Daily trip to Lowe's
  
• Watered newly planted flowers

And now I'm sitting here writing :) It was a great day all in all. And might I say that I got a little teary at the sight of the empty nursery. It's crazy to think that not too long from now there'll be a crib in there waiting for a little one to sleep in it. Wonderful feeling.

Dear Caterpillar,

Mommy and Daddy are working so very hard to bring you home! We have been so busy, and we are worn out, but it is so worth it! We would do anything to get you home! We love you!

Yes, I call the baby Caterpillar.

Baby Book

I recently ordered this adorable baby book. I know, it's a little early for the baby book, but this one was too cute to pass up. It's a baby book made specifically for the adoption process! Do you know how hard it is to find those? All the baby books you find in the store talk about what the pregnancy was like, labor, etc. This one has places for our first meeting, "the call", and where the baby came from. I am so excited to share our child's story with them! I want them to always embrace their story. That's why I am currently working on 2 other journals besides this blog. I've got a hand-written diary that I am writing as a letter to my child...it is very honest, and something that they will receive when they are old enough to handle the sad things as well as the good. I'm also creating a Life Book for our baby. A life book is basically a story book of their journey. I'm doing ours scrapbook style. Of course, there isn't much I can do with it since we don't have a referral yet, but I'm going to include pages and photos on all the things we're doing while we wait. I sure hope our child appreciates and treasures these, and my prayer is that these will help them know that they were loved and wanted.

Paypal donations!

I finally figured this out! I think.... :)

Look to your right ---------> See the donate button? You can now make donations and place orders from my website! If you're ordering greeting cards or teddies, send me an email letting me know what you want and how many, and I'll mail them to you! YAY!

Teddies- $8
Ducks - $5 (I wasn't too impressed with the size, so I lowered the price)
Handmade greeting cards- $3

THANK YOU!

Adopt a teddy (or a duck!)

We have these adorable teddies and ducks available for adoption! "Adopt" a teddy or a duck for $8 and help us get our baby home! Like a baby, these are small, but cute and cuddly! And a great symbolism of adoption! Let me know if you want one and I can mail it to you! My email is swindellk@hotmail.com

Get yours today!

Random thoughts on healthcare reform

This might make some people mad, but that's ok. :)

I am completely disgusted with our country, and terrified at the direction it is going in. I've heard many people say they want this socialist healthcare, but 99.9% of those people don't work! Most of those I have talked to who like this wretched bill want free insurance, but don't want to work for it. They want everything handed to them. Well, here's a wakeup call...GET A JOB! I want to be a stay at home mommy more than anything, but chances are I'll have to work for the insurance, and I'm ok with that. I like the insurance I have, and I get off my lazy butt every day and come in to work. I was taught if I want something in life, to work for it. Never to expect handouts. And that's what I want to teach my kids. The fact of the matter is, this bill terrifies me. If my child gets really ill, or is injured, I do NOT want to have to wait 6 months to see a Dr. People are taking for granted the fact that we can get in to see most Drs immediately. Now, when our child is home, we'll have to always fear that something will happen to them and we won't be able to get them into the Dr, and they could die from something as stupid as a cold, that turns into pneumonia. People should not die over that! We have the best healthcare in the world...why are we giving that up??

Not to mention, that those of us who DO work are going to be paying for not only the insurance of those who are too lazy to work, but ILLEGALS! Are you kidding me??? I am going to be getting a smaller paycheck because you don't want to work, and because illegals now have American rights? Seriously??