Friday, February 12, 2010

Bite your tongue

I've always heard adoptive parents complain about the things people say or ask. To be honest, I always thought they were overly sensitive. But, as a future adoptive parent myself now, I have realized how they feel. Somehow, the process makes you sensitive. I already feel like a mom. My baby is out there, somewhere...I already love our baby and feel protective of him or her. So, just for the heck of it, these are some of the comments/questions we've received so far.

"How much is your baby going to cost you?" As if our baby was a special order product from Walmart.

"Oh, I'm glad you're adopting within the U.S. We need to take care of our own kids instead of everyone elses." Foreign kids are just as much God's children as American children, and they need a home just as much. Seriously. And definitely don't say this unless you are adopting, fostering, or sponsoring a child in America.

"You're gonna adopt and then you'll get pregnant! Just wait and see!" Adoption is not a cure for infertility. And if it were....that would be a bad thing???

"Aren't you afraid the birthmother will come back one day and take the baby?" Um, no.

"What if something is wrong with the baby?" I didn't know biological children came with a satisfaction guarantee.

"Heard anything yet?" No. Stop asking. You'll know when we do....we'll be shouting it from the rooftops.

When we tell someone we're adopting, do not say, "Awwww, I'm so sorry. You can't have kids?" Just don't.

"I could never give up my baby." or, better yet, "Don't these women know how to keep their legs closed?" I mean, REALLY??????? It doesn't matter how they got into their situation. All that matters is that birthmoms are faced with the hardest decision they will ever have to make. They love their babies just as much as you love yours. Maybe they made a mistake, maybe pills failed, maybe they were raped or don't know their story, so stop assuming you do. I love our birthmom already, and I admire her for making a decision that I don't know that I would be strong enough to make.

Long story short, if a friend or loved one is adopting, get educated, and be sensitive. This is her baby you're talking about.


Katie said...

Oh gosh. People are crazy. Although I can think of certain people in my extended family that will ask some of these things when we start the adoption process. Excellent.

Jennifer said...

Perfectly said! =)

The Smith's said...

Great post, and it's so true! Uneducated people don't realize that their comments can be so hurtful!