Sunday, March 7, 2010

When family doesn't support.....

My heart is heavy. I feel like I have a thousand pounds on my shoulders right now. When you start learning about adoption, they have material on how to handle it when family doesn't support your adoption decision. I skipped that part. Why? Because I thought our family would be different. I truly thought that our entire family would be excited, happy, and supportive. I was wrong. Most of them are, but there are a few members that don't support our decision. I can understand that it's their job to worry about how we'll afford a baby and whatnot, but it's also their job to support and love us whether we make the decisions they want us to make or not. As if it weren't hard enough knowing they don't support us, they have said some hurtful things like "you need to have your own," and "this child won't be your own." First of all (without getting on my soapbox), this child WILL be ours, even though it won't have Brandon's eyes or my nose. It will be the child God has planned for us. He or she is just coming through a different journey. Secondly, saying that we NEED to have our own makes me feel like I have let everyone down, like it's my fault because of what my body doesn't do. That hurts worse than anything. I feel like they're upset with me because of something I cannot help. I also fear that these members won't love the child, or if we have a biological child later that they'll treat the 2 differently. I can't allow my child to grow up feeling inadequate because of where they came from.

Anyway, I am asking for the help of other adoptive parents....did you go through this with your families? How did it turn out? How did you handle it?

2 comments:

Katie said...

I'm sorry that some people in your family aren't supportive. That is frustrating. But the choice to adopt is YOURS and, in my humble opinion, was the right one!!

Amy said...

It doesn't matter what the decision, there are some that it just don't make sense to. You will get to the point that you just don't care. It's particularly hard when it's family members, but you have to follow what God is calling you to do, then move forward, with or without their support. Hopefully and prayerfully, they will come around. If they don't, THEY will be missing out on the blessing that God has for them. Don't sweat it. By the time this is all over, you will have a whole list of "Stupid Things People Ask or Say About Adoption". Let it go and trust God in it all! It will be the most wonderful, yet the hardest journey you will ever take. But, the joy and the blessings far outweigh the negative. Hang in there girl!