Tuesday, February 17, 2009



I am sad today. My heart hurts. Why is it so hard to simply trust you? I know that you have it all planned out...but the uncertainty is killing me. Why is it so easy for others...especially those who don't know you and won't even do what they should? Yet Brandon and I, who vow to raise our children in your will, just seem to have such a hard time? I don't have any right to question you, but I can't help but wonder. It just hurts so badly. I'll love you no matter what. But I just don't know how I could handle not having children. Please, Lord, give me peace. If the time is not now, then make the hurt go away. Just...help. I want this more than anything in the world, and Brandon finally wants it, too! I never thought that would happen. Lord, I see you working in our lives...especially his. You are really working on his heart, and I can only hope that it is in preparation for a little tiny blessing. God, I can't help but fear that I will have the same problem as my parents did. Please don't let that happen. Lord, I need you. I love you. And I need you to walk me through this.


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